God And Bad

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Hi there... God here!

Yes I thought you'd all say that, but let’s try and not be cynical bastards all of our miserable lives shall we? How about we take a day off and just imagine that I do exist for a moment? How would I get through to 21st century techno-schizoid man? When J.C. was around there were only 250 million of you, when Muhammad was around there were only 300 million of you. Now there's 7 billion of you shouting at you from a fucking hilltop is just not going to do it any more. So I guess I'm going to have to embrace modern methods of communication, like the graphic novel for example. So here's GodAndBad which is full of My divine truth, liberally peppered with sex, violence, bad language and enough bad taste to offend just about everyone on the planet. This is My last-ditch attempt to download My infinite and eternal wisdom onto the hard drive of your collective consciousness. So you don't have to be a cynical atheist, nor do You have to follow a bigoted religion, because all the time the simple truth has been staring you in the face. You ARE God... when you're not being a total asshole that is!


You were all so up yourselves and so lost into your own little consumer trips that I really wouldn't have got a look-in between the houses and the motors, the clobber and the bling.

Then what happens? A chink appears in the Cystem's apparently impenetrable armour in the form of a ferocious financial fuck-up in your newly globalized market and what happens... the whole 'civilized' world goes tits up.

So now do I stand a chance of getting a look in? In My dreams I do. For the very second an imaginary 'green shoot of recovery' appears out of thin air like a fucking mirage on a desert horizon... you just try to start up the same old shit all over again. Even though you now know for sure that it's all a bunch of totally worthless crap that will never make you happy.

But why I should bother? Do you really think anyone will really miss you when you're gone? 

'The Human Race'... default winner of the Intergalactic W.O.B.S.A.C. (Worst Behaved Species in All Creation) award, for all their outrageous cruelty to each other and to the rest of the species who have had to suffer the great misfortune of having to 'share' a planet with you (please note sarcastic use of inverted commas).

Also known as 'Mankind'... a name that regularly cracks Us up around Creation. The Pneeers fall about all over the place whenever they here that name. What? you mean you thought you were the only ones? The only intelligent species in all that infinite and eternal everything? Wouldn't you agree that would be just the teensy-weensyist bit arrogant? 

Ask yourself... why should I bother to help you to help yourselves?  Whenever I have come down here in human form to attempt to show you where you have gone wrong, you have usually ignored Me or humiliated Me, or beat the holy shit out of Me, usually ending up killing Me and at the same time nicking My simply divine message for your own grubby little purposes. 

Even your very image of Me is defined by whichever Big 'R' you have come into contact. 

Big 'what' I hear you ask? 

The Big 'R's... The World's Big Religions who have managed to portray Me as some maniacal, vengeful, axe-murdering, serial-killer type of God who gets His sicko-weirdo-perverted jollies from either eternally torturing souls in boiling fire, or by sanctioning the butchering of people who do not happen to believe in whichever one of the cranky credos My supposed representatives on Earth have managed to invent. 

Thanks a lot guys... but could you just leave the holy crap to Me from now on.

Comforting as it is to be able to believe in the existence of a supreme being, your modern, scientific, nano-hypo-techno world won't allow you to entertain even a glimmer of a thought about My possible existence, for if it can't be seen, measured, quantified or is in some way empirical, then for most of you... I don't exist and that's that. 

Well remember this: 'the absence of evidence doesn't constitute the evidence of absence', as Carl Sagen and I once said.

Then again... if you believe that the alternative to atheism is to have to chose between one of these weird, cranky Big 'R's and their manky medieval customs, then I guess atheism is just going to win out every time. 

I'll say it again, you don't have to be a cynical atheist, nor do You have to follow a bigoted Big 'R', because all the time the simple truth has been staring you in the face. 

Like I said. You are God. When you're not being a total asshole that is. And yes it's worth repeating.

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What the critics are saying

¨At last the truth has come out- They've been talking a lot of bollocks about me for centuries!¨

- J. Christ, Nazareth



¨This book will change your life.¨

- The Authors


¨I love this book!- It really takes the heat off of me.¨

- S. Rushdie, unknown location


¨The fires of a thousand devils will eat your soul if you read this book.¨

- A. Yatola, Tehran



Gott in Himmel!- Ve haf been rumbled!¨

- Pope B, Rome